Dancing With Presence Blog

A smile is worth a thousand glib assurances.

When I read a smile on my partner’s face I relax. I dance better. I trust that I and my partner are equally committed to a pleasant and pleasurable dance.

A smile displaces all the questions of adequacy or judgement: “Am I good enough? Does she want to dance with me? Does she trust my lead/ follow?”

Smiles have a very endearing secondary effect: they make you attractive. No face is so perfect that it is not enhanced by a smile or so disfigured that it is not also beautified by one.

My consciousness of Argentine tango began, not with movement, leaders and followers, grace and close embrace. It began with shoes. At my first tango class, all I could think about was my feet. My feet in black high-heeled shoes, not official dance shoes but good enough.

It is a stroke of genius that the Tango ritualized eye contact –  the cabeceo – as the first and critical element of the dance proposal. This is where it all begins: Eyes connecting from across the room with an affirming nod, raised eyebrows, a look of permission, acceptance, expectation.

Next time you are filling out a job resume, include dancing tango on your resume and list the following personality traits: sensitive, respectful, attentive, a good listener, leader and follower, self-aware, respectful of boundaries, #metoo -proofed, creative, flexible, a good team player, all in addition to being able to pivot on a dime!   

Is the abrazo truly the heart and soul of the Tango?

If so, I propose a tribute to those very same arms that both hug and embrace, caress and comfort.

Double Bubble Tango.

Have you ever felt as if you were the only couple on the dance floor, that you and your partner were in a world unto yourselves safely cocooned in your own universe, when all you were aware of, other than the music, was the warm, responsive movement of your partner?

Don’t we all want this feeling, all the time? What is the secret?

In a day when gentlemanly conduct seems to be under attack, the Tango is the perfect venue for practicing close connection in an attentive, gentle, and sensitive manner. Milongueros, consider incorporating some of the approaches below into your dance.

A recent advertisement by Gillette entitled “the best men can be” follows on the tails of the #metoo movement, encouraging men to be conscientious and courageous gentlemen, not only avoiding being crude, sexist, and racist but to intervene in conflict where others who acting out those old scripts. Excellent ad, powerful and timely.

We dance to enjoy it. Not to put on a show but touch people’s hearts. I am not out there to impress people with what a wonderful dancer I am but to model how they can dance. It is a wonderful thing when it is simple. The best Tango dancers are not the ones who have developed this big repertoire of steps. It’s the ones who have developed a better understanding and awareness of their partner. When you can communicate with another person physically and emotionally, you’ve got it. That’s what makes it such a special dance. Michael Young

The structure and the technical intricacies of Tango are the ideal medium for precision mirroring. We listen with deep attention to the minute details of our partner’s body positioning, places of tension and resistance, skill level and responsiveness to a lead. And our partner attends to our body positioning and energy with equal precision. In our attuned state of awareness, we enter into the most intimate and nourishing experience of finding ourselves mirrored in another.

(photo credit: Borden Park, Edmonton. ADV)