The Gift of You

Ever wondered if Tango is really worth the effort? The answer will surprise you. Read on…

Non-verbal Communication

“Tango is a secret between friends shared without words.” Carlos Gavito.

Eighty percent of all communication is non-verbal. Why do we not know this? Typically we are unaware of the what or how we are communicating.

The challenge with non-verbal communication is that it is instinctual and preconscious. The actual processes by which we communicate non-verbally seldom come under the scrutiny of conscious reflection. Typically as adults we think of communication primarily if not exclusively, as verbal. 

Modern neurological research shows us that communicating through language is of less importance and lasting significance than many more primal and foundational forms of nonverbal communication. Body cues, inflections, rhythm and timing, facial expressions, and physical contact communicate much more than words. 

A Primal Motion

We first begin picking up nonverbal cues long before we can talk. It was primal, survival instinct that garnered us the love and affection of our parents.

Is there anything more infectious than excitement around a newborn baby? We touch, we cradle, we make funny noises and faces, we smile, anything to engage and indicate our delight with the child. There is the instinctual rhythmic rocking response that kicks in when we pick the child up and then immediately, ever adult around also starts rocking in rhythm! 

This is not time-wasting idleness. The child internalises  from our behaviour a sense of personal worth and well-being that is stored in the body and sustains it throughout life. And as part of the exchange, we invigorate and satisfy our primal need and desire for touch, rocking, hugging and just some light hearted fun. Alan Burdick, Why Time Flies, (Simon and Schuster, 2017).

Sound anything like your dance experience? It could – or should. 

The Power of Dance

It turns out that the nonverbal communication element of dance is especially powerful precisely because it bypasses the thinking brain adn teh constrictions of language and goes directly to our primary sensory receptors that respond to motion, sound and touch. 

In the rhythm of the body and sound are combined all the possibilities of embodying and expressing invisible power …. and this power is encountered in the dance directly, instantly and without intermediaries. Ivana Stojakovic Film & video programme „Performance“

The secret we share in silence then, is the heart and soul of the dance. And it is our heart and soul that we are sharing.  

… dancers use their … idiosyncratic selves as the very medium of their art — not steps, movements, positions, or styles…Joseph Margolis, J. (1981) ‘The autographic nature of the dance.’

So just when we thought we were impressing our partner with our technical sophistication, they were actually more attuned to what we were communicating at a soul level, qualities such as emotional warm, anxiety, acceptance, judgement, responsiveness, respect.

Why Tango?

So then why bother with all the challenges of Tango?  Why not stick with simpler styles of dancing?

This is the brilliance of the Tango. The structure and the technical intricacies are the ideal medium for communicating the relational dynamics or trust, attunement, attentiveness, gentleness, cooperation, curiosity, patience, acceptance as well as modelling gender specific roles in the lead-follow diad.

In Deep Tango we listen with attention, curiosity and non-judgment to the minute details of our partner’s body positioning, places of tension and resistance, skill level and responsiveness. And our partner attends to our body positioning and energy with equal precision. In our attuned state, we open the door to the intimate and nourishing experience of finding ourselves mirrored in another.

The true gift of the season

We are a connection-starved society. Loneliness is a societal pademic. We need to be rocked, to be touched with gentleness and respect, to be affirmed, to be mirrored. We need to be appreciated as creatures of sensitivity and refinement, precious beyond measure. 

The gift of the dance, at the deepest level, is not the music, or the fancy steps. It is about the sharing of yourself with another. It is about you. Your character. Your presence. 

You dance you. That is your gift.