November is Family Violence Prevention Month and purple is the colour. It may seem strange that violence and families should be targeted together, however, 1 out of 4 violent crimes in Canada are committed by family members.
Truth is, the more intimate or trusting the relationship, the more vulnerable and at risk we often are. The government website profiling this awareness identifies healthy relationship practices such as caring, affection, laughter and smiling which we might expect are intrinsic to families but apparently not always the case. A fellow social worker who works with children’s services, identifies the lack of respect as the principle deficiency in the problem families with which she works. She has to teach families how to relate to each other in a positive, support and nurturing way.
Tango and Non-Violence
They don’t include learning the Tango as one of the therapeutic tools but I believe they could. In fact, the Tango is often recommended in couple’s therapy as well as in healing PTSD.* The therapeutic principle is simple: We practice in a safe, structured and intimate environment those attitudes that we want to cultivate in our relationships: respect, gentleness, sensitivity, trust, attentiveness, even reverence. Tango, danced sensitively, is the ideal medium for practicing these behaviours.
*(Check out my story of healing from childhood sexual abuse, Trauma to Tango: dancing through the shadows . )
Presence in Motion
I recently attended a workshop In San Francisco exploring the relational and energetic dynamics of Tango, designed and facilitated by Lucinda Hayden and Tom Lewis, owner of La Pista Tango dance studio. According to Lucinda, dancing Argentine Tango is like a moving mindfulness practice. Or as a recent convert* to Tango stated in response to my DWP blog, “I have been describing Tango to friends as the best Zen workshop I have done because of the necessity of being fully present every moment.” (*Johanna Leseho, PhD., (author/editor of Dancing on the Earth: Women’s Stories of Healing Through Dance)
It is no secret that the Tango raises issues, pushes buttons, brings to the surface deeply submerged feelings of self-doubt and insecurity, sensuality and sexuality – all of which tend to trip us up, both in our dance or relationships. Dancing requires staying centered and present in one’s own self, and at the same time listening with your whole body to your partner’s motions and emotions. This requires flexibility, adjustment, and adaptation, always in an environment of safety, trust, respect, honesty.
Many years ago I received a most poignant critique of my dancing that has remained with me ever since. Patricia and I were learning to dance the Tango for our wedding. In the middle of one of the sessions, our teacher, Vicente (and Cristina Munoz) interrupted in frustration: “You don’t know how to hold a woman!” Given that this was to be our wedding dance, I took the critique to heart.
Recently, I was again interrupted in the middle of another lesson (this time I was the teacher) by a comment about my embrace by Louise, one of my dearest dance partners. She drew the attention to the delicacy, richness, and warmth of the embrace that I was modelling. Apparently I have learned a few things over the years.
To quote a participant in the Presence In Motion Workshop; “We have so few arenas in life for men and women which to engage in such nurturing and supportive practices. Tango is one.”
This is what fascinates me about tango, which is why I keep coming back.