November is Family Violence Prevention Month in Alberta, Canada. It may seem strange that violence and families should be referenced together, however, 1 out of 4 violent crimes in Canada are committed by family members.
Truth is, the more intimate or trusting the relationship, the more vulnerable and at-risk we are. The government website profiling “Family violence” recommends healthy relationship practices such as caring, affection, laughter and smiling which we might expect are intrinsic to families but apparently not always the case. A Social Work colleague identifies “lack of respect” as the principal deficiency in the problem families with which she works. Her job is to teach families how to relate to each other in a positive, supportive and nurturing way.
Tango and Non-Violence
They don’t include learning the Tango as a therapeutic tool but I believe they could. In fact, the Tango is often recommended in couple’s therapy as well as in healing PTSD.* The therapeutic principle is simple: in a safe, structured and intimate environment, we practice those attitudes that we want to cultivate in our relationships: respect, gentleness, sensitivity, trust, attentiveness, even reverence. Tango, danced sensitively, is the ideal medium for practicing these behaviours that are critical for all healthy relationships.
*(Check out my story of healing from childhood sexual abuse, Trauma to Tango: dancing through the shadows . )
Presence in Motion
I recently attended a Presence in Motion workshop In San Francisco exploring the relational and energetic dynamics of Tango, designed and facilitated by Lucinda Hayden, Focusing Instructor, and Tom Lewis, owner of La Pista Tango dance studio. According to Lucinda, dancing Argentine Tango is like a moving mindfulness practice. A recent DWP blog subscriber* described Tango as “the best Zen workshop I have done because of the necessity of being fully present every moment.” (*Johanna Leseho, PhD., (author/editor of Dancing on the Earth: Women’s Stories of Healing Through Dance). Tango requires staying centered and present to one’s own self, while at the same time attentive to your partner’s motions and emotions. This requires flexibility, vulnerability, trust, respect, honesty, all those critical attitudes referenced above.
Lessons Learned
To quote a participant in the previously mentioned workshop; “We have so few arenas in life for men and women which to engage in such nurturing and supportive practices. Tango is one.”
It is no secret that the Tango raises issues, pushes buttons, and brings to the surface deeply submerged feelings that tend to trip us up, both in our dance or relationships. Many years ago I received a most poignant critique of my dancing while Patricia and I were learning to dance the Tango for our wedding. In the middle of one of the sessions, our teacher (VM), interrupted in frustration: “You don’t know how to hold a woman!” Given that this was to be our wedding dance, I took the critique to heart.
Recently, I was again interrupted in the middle of the lesson (this time I was the teacher) by a comment about my embrace by one of my dearest dance partners (JLT). She drew the attention to the delicacy, richness, and warmth of the embrace that I was modelling. Apparently I have learned a few things over the years.
This is what fascinates me about tango, which is why I keep coming back.