Love seeks a face
The question came up again at our cozy Tango gathering: “Isn’t it a little frivolous, maybe even disrespectful, to be dancing in these dark times?”
I posted a link in my blog last week to a very inspiring video clip of tangueros dancing in the streets of Kyiv, which I encourage you to read. As well, we had a very inspiring video conference call hosted by Ieva Kelpsaite and Sergio Acosta with guest speakers, tangueras and Ukrainian, Veronica Toumanova and Vigdorova MilaGrosa, reflecting on the contribution of dance in a time of war.
For our part, 1,000’s of miles away in Edmonton, we danced half a song in silence in symbolic solidarity with their trials. “Very meaningful, even spiritual,” someone commented. But the question remains: “Is a symbolic gesture the best we can do? Does it really mean anything, or make a difference?”
The Taffy-pull Syndrome
Does anyone feel like taffy these days, with your heart pulled in so many directions you have the texture of cellophane?
War, viruses, climate change, famines. Frazzled. Frenzied. Beleaguered. Our minds want to burst. Our hearts become numb. Our feet and hands become paralyzed. We feel powerless before the complexity and enormity of the problems.
We lose our desire and conviction to dance, to celebrate and embrace life. We lose our centre of power. We abandon our calling, our responsibility, our gift to this world.
Which is? … To love.
Putting a Face to Love
“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a single drop.” Rumi, 13th Century Sufi poet.
Maybe talking about love seems like just a teeny weeny drop in the bucket. But then that is all we are, a teeny weeny little drop. That is all we were meant to be. That is all we need to be.
Somehow we have been duped into thinking that we, you and me as caring individuals, are responsible for solving every problem everywhere, all over the world. That may be a noble sentiment; the problem is that we become taffy people, stretched so thin that we lose our elasticity, our resilience, our strength and our core.
(This is not to say that we shouldn’t care about what is happening in other parts of the world, nor that we shouldn’t think globally. All very important responsibilities in their own right.)
Love is strongest when we can reach out and touch the object of our love. Love at its most powerful is a mutual exchange of two people relating in caring attention. It needs to be individual, and particular.
Love needs texture, smell, sound. Love needs to be up close and personal. We need to inhabit love with the fullness of our being, with warmth and affection.
Love needs a face. We cannot love in the abstract, distant and detached. We have to love the particular, the up close and personal.
Easter
This is the drama of easter. According to Christian tradition, God’s plan is knotted in the life and love of an individual. One person. Moral of the story? There is nothing more important than the individual life lived in love. It has the power to change the flow of history and the nature of reality.
Jesus was pressed on this claim when he instructed his audience to love one’s neighbour as oneself. A Religious Lawyer, hoping to deflect the directive into an abstract, theoretical discussion, asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbour.” Jesus countered with the parable of the good samaritan: One’s neighbour is anyone who crosses your path in need. To love one’s neighbour means investing yourself fully in caring response to that need.
Apologies extended to all of us idealistic humanists attempting to solve the problems of the world with our socioeconomic theories. Love is as love does. A neighbour is as a neighbour needs.
Love’s Limits
There is a limit to the reach of love. As much as we would like to love the whole world, we can’t, at least not very convincingly. Deep love cannot extend beyond our physical ability to reach out and touch.
We love best, one person at a time. Loving from our heart’s core is not primarily about solving problems or even alleviating suffering but binding ourselves together with another in shared humanity and vulnerability:
our lives are woven together in love. … We belong to a mutually beneficial web of connection, well-being, and love. At the root of this connection is empathy; the result is kindness, compassion, respect, and understanding. … love is the strongest force on the planet. Jacqui Lewis, Fierce Love: A Bold Path to a Better Life and a Better World (New York: Harmony, 2021), 28, 30, 31–32.
Tango?
Does this take us back to the dance floor? Tango may not touch on the essence of love but it is still, after all, touching someone with gentleness and affection. So, yes, get yourself into a warm embrace as quickly and as often as you can, on and off the dance floor.