Dancing to my own heartbeat.

“If one does not keep pace with their companions, perhaps it is because they hear a different drummer. Let them step to the music which they hear, however measured or far away.” (changed to inclusive language). Henry David Thoreau

The above quote was formative for me some 50 years ago. I am now revisiting it as formative for my current dance practice. 

My new dance partner

COVID gave me A back-handed gift. It necessitated my forming an intimate relationship with a new dance partner. Me.

There was little choice. It was either learning to enjoy dancing with myself and by myself or stopping dancing altogether. 

A year and a half in isolation forced me to focus on what was interesting, engaging and expansive for my solitary self.  Yes, I had in mind that I would take this back to the dance floor someday and so yes, I kept my focus on basic Tango moves. But my preoccupation for the time being was to fashion practice movements that were calling forth and nurturing my inner dancer, as well as fun! (I have a very short tolerance for exercise that is boring). 

I adopted the old adage, dance as if no one is watching, because, of course, they weren’t. I took advantage of the safe space and befriended my body, as clumsy and awkward as I might be. Without another person to embrace, I embraced myself. I began paying attention to what felt rhythmic and natural to me, how the music and movements were making my body feel from the inside out. Stylistic concerns were secondary to the ergonomic and aerobic. 

The conviction began to grow that even if I never made it back to the dance floor, there was enough mystery and magic in my solitary practice to keep me moving for years to come. (In fact, my wife sometimes gets irritated because I never seem to stop my dance practice!).

The true test

Eventually, COVID did subside (we just received official acknowledgement this week), and I returned to the dance floor and reunited with my former dance partner.

Now came the test: would my stylized adaptations of traditional Tango movements complement or complicate our dancing? 8 out of 10. Some things worked amazingly well, some things not so much with many other variations still in the developmental stage.

Certainly, confusion and complications are to be expected when matching up one’s sense of movement and musicality with another. It requires an amazing amount of skill and adaptation to be able to communicate in a manner that is fluid and pleasurable.

Which is presumably why many of us skip personalizing our dance altogether. Instead of putting time and effort into listening to our bodies and our own sense of musicality, we jump headlong into what is typically taught and readily universally accepted on the dance floor. 

In other words, we learn steps.

Dancing to a different drum

Of course, learning steps and step sequences is an essential part of the learning process. But it is not the only learning and it preempts a rich dance experience if we focus on foot placement rather than body movement. We practice sequences rather than interpretative responsiveness to the music. We trample underfoot stillness with business. We squelch spontaneous co-creativity with choreographed sequences. We create expectations and judgements about how we and our partner should move. 

Is this so wrong?

Firstly, if I am not bringing my authentic self to the engagement, I am cheating myself and my partner and the dance out of a raw expression of my personal sense of musicality. 

Secondly, I am knee-deep in judgment. I am preoccupied with what the other person wants from me or what I want from the other person. In counselling lingo, this is called manipulation, or agency, (or co-dependency, shallowness, superficiality, or lack of courage to risk being vulnerable). It is never called “healthy relating.” 

An authentic embrace

In the Tango, we are seeking (presumably) authentic engagement, communication, and connection.  When I bring my inner self in vulnerability and openness and accept without judgement what they bring in response, then the creative dialogue beings. In Tango terminology this is called dancing with presence, bringing my whole unique self to the embrace, gently, sensually, and with curiosity.

Let me close with a beautiful passage from Khalil Gibran which expresses these sentiments in a much more eloquent and rich way than I. 

“Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

2 thoughts on “Dancing to my own heartbeat.”

  1. Why we like to complicate? 🙂
    For the old Argentinian milongueros the tango is quite simple :).
    They use their heart to follow the music! But the music has many heartbeats (the piano, the violin, the bandoneon, the flute, etc and and also of course the music of the heart of the partner!) that is why the old milongueros danced in close embrace to listen the heart of the partner as well like a doctor would auscultating a patient.
    The old milongueros and milongueras would also tell you that by the beat of their hearts they would communicate what is the instrument that they are fancying to enjoy in the moment and at the end of the music they would be full synchronised to enjoy the next two tracks of the tanda.
    So I advise to watch this YouTube about a Tango Vals in the ancient way of the Argentine Tango that has the name “Corazón de Oro” (Golden Heart)
    https://youtu.be/rI7J-JQew-A

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