“The body is porous and is an open membrane to receiving and expressing affect.” E. Kelly McMaster University
At his celebration of life, my brother was remembered for many striking attributes, not least of which were his legendary marathon hugs. 20 seconds!
When was the last time you had a 20-second hug? You would remember. Time your hug next time.
Average comfort level for a hug is 3-5 seconds. Any longer and you start squirming and wonder, “What’s going on here? Should I be reading something into this? Does he have an agenda?”
Yes, Ron had an agenda. According to his philosophy of energetics and spirituality, a hug needs to be at least 20 seconds long to allow for a full transmission of heart energy.
Ron’s robust hugs were received with differing reactions. Many people appreciated his enthusiasm and fell deeply into his strong, warming, heartfelt embrace. Some didn’t and got a little squeamish around second #7 and tried to break loose around second #10.
Ron’s body is gone, and his lingering embrace along with it. But consciousness and Spirit are never lost and continue to feed into the collective unconscious. Even more so, now that he has let his body go, I am drawing from my brother’s enthusiastic convictions about physical and energetic connection through the embrace.
Of course, that plays perfectly into Tango. With enhancements.
Tango as hug therapy is distinctive, not only because of the length of the embrace (3 minutes x 3!), but even more so because it is a technical and rigorously crafted sensual practice, enwrapped in a structured embrace. Heavenly!
This energetic connection and communication of positive affect with a dance partner has, for the last several years, been my focus in my dancing. Complicated steps and sequences are of increasingly less interest.
However, there is one extra element to the Tango embrace that my brother’s practice did not incorporate – space. There is a very powerful, energizing dynamic that happens transitioning between open and close embrace, touch and non-touch, closeness and space.
Quite like the difference between direct current (DC) and alternating current (AC). I had a very powerful experience of this oscillating current last week and will share in the next blog. Stay tuned.
I really resonate with this topic. It’s beautiful that your brother, a deep hugger, is such an inspiration. As a hugger myself, I’ve felt those rare embraces that linger in the body long after they end, as if they leave a quiet imprint beneath awareness, still gently alive.
Your description of tango as a structured, intentional embrace speaks to something I’ve been drawn to as well. Connection over complexity. The role of space, moving between closeness and separation, feels especially meaningful. It seems like that rhythm could deepen the connection rather than interrupt it.
I’d love to hear more about your experience.
Thank you. I am going to write more this week. Also, I have received some very affirming comments about your post from last week.
I look forward to it. Thanks.