Of Love and Fear
“Over the years I have come to the conclusion there are only two reasons people do things: fear or love.” Sister Julienne, Call the Midwife.
Community has been one of the great casualties of the pandemic. With the advent of the virus, we were prohibited from all social interaction – from communal gatherings to hugging our loved ones. Although this was appropriate from a medical standpoint, it had serious repercussions for mental and community health. We were unable to express and experience love and belonging in nurturing fashion.
Unfortunately, the social divisions that we experienced as a result of the COVID restrictions have had long-lasting effects. We have internalized fear not only of the virus but of social and communal engagement but of human contact of all sorts. This mistrust and fear have extended even to include our public institutions.
And of course, it has deeply fractured our Tango community. There are those who are not comfortable dancing Tango at all at present (let’s face it, you can’t social distance and dance the Tango). Others in our community have adopted dancing with masks with those who are vaccinated and respect COVID protocols. And then there are those who never bought into COVID protocols at all.
How do we mend those fences, heal the wounds, and restore cohesion in the dance community? Is there enough love to build bridges? Are we still hamstrung by fear?
There has been and continues to be good reason for caution and COVID protocols. The virus is real and people continue to catch it (my brother and his wife just last week) with very unpleasant consequences. But there are also harmful effects to isolation. We are social animals and we need to connect in concrete, face-to-face, hand-in-hand ways. We need to congregate. We need to socialize. We need to dance. The comment is regularly made during Tango night around our little coffee tables of how important this weekly gathering is for mental and physical well-being.
Currently, our dance community has negotiated a compromise. Everyone who participates is vaccinated. We continue to dance in close embrace wearing masks. Mask protocol around the coffee tables is more lax and negotiable.
Does any of this actually curtail the spread of the virus? Maybe, maybe not, but I think it is a loving or compassionate response to the situation. I wear a mask more out of consideration for my dance partner (and also my life partner that I go home to at the end of the evening) than out of fear for myself. I continue to wear a mask in public places for the same reason.
At the same time, I allow myself reasonable latitude when mingling with people I know and trust. I touch and hug freely and frequently in smaller social gatherings (family and friends). And I avoid large group gatherings such as sporting events and concerts where there is a much greater risk of catching the virus. I am in a sense bridging the dynamics of both love and fear.
Perhaps St Julienne’s words are a little off the mark. Maybe it is not an either-or but a both-and. Maybe we need a mix of love and fear to best guide our actions. Finding the balance is complicated and personal and takes continual reflection as well as respect for each other.
P.S. And yes, “Perfect love casts out fear.” If you come across some, pass it along.
Thank you for “food for thought” and friendship.
Thank you for the thoughtful and insightful essay. This is a tough time for everyone and very much so for tango dancers.
I trust you are doing well, Cherie, still dancing and writing?
A beautiful and thoughtful article. I do appreciate the sense of trying to reach out to everyone with your current “protocols” and compromises.
However, I do take issue with the compromises that your community has made. The evidence on the effect of masking and of being vaccinated is quite clear by now. It is clear that neither of these measures prevents the spread of SarsCov2.
Consequently, only allowing vaccinated people into your get togethers is an unnecessary discriminatory act, as is the insistence on mask wearing.
I understand that encouraging people back into the community and dancing again needs effort. But, engaging in actions that discriminate and exclude certain people is not the correct way to go.
Thank you Alan for your comments. Yes, there is no guarantee that any such preventative measures are actually effective in preventing the virus. Your comments are very valid and considerate in that respect.
There are three other considerations this connection. 1) there are other dance communities that people can plug into who are not comfortable with masks and vaccinations and 2) it is a community decision to have these restrictions in place. If the community decided that they were not wanted, then we would change our policy. 3) Up until recently it was government policy that if you were gathering in doors it was required to wear a mask. We are in a sense just continuing with what we were required to do for the better part of a year.
Thanks again for your thoughtful comments. They really are appreciated.
Hi Alan, thanks for continuing to write about tango and write about keeping the flame going in our hearts.
I am also following dance protocols of vaccinations, but we use no masks now in Germany and Austria. However, if I went to an area that disregards precautions like Florida, I would probably not even dance. In Europe we have vaccination passes. “Lack of taking precautions” adds a missing element for human motivation beyond fear and love. There’s also ignorance of danger and apathy.
My wife and I test before large events.
You are right that love and fear (caution) can be mixed very well with love. I always held my children’s hands when near traffic!
Hi Alan, thanks for continuing to write about tango and write about keeping the flame going in our hearts.
I am also following dance protocols of vaccinations, but we use no masks now in Germany and Austria. However, if I went to an area that disregards precautions like Florida, I would probably not even dance. In Europe we have vaccination passes. “Lack of taking precautions” adds a missing element for human motivation beyond fear and love. There’s also ignorance of danger and apathy.
My wife and I test before large events.
You are right that love and fear (caution) can be mixed very well with love. I always held my children’s hands when near traffic!