aydan.tango

Space and togetherness – close and open embrace – are the essential elements of connection. You cannot have connection without both in balance. Two much of either is stifling or paralyzing. Too much togetherness leads to inundation or smothering, and may not allow enough room for individual expression. Too much space leaves one feeling abandoned with no sense of closeness or connection, or assurance of support and nurturing.

“Argentine Feminists Remake Tango” BUENOS AIRES DISPATCH/ New York Times/ October 5, 2019

All of the male power dynamics in Tango are being challenged (see above). Same sex milongas are giving women the opportunity to lead and men to follow. By teaching either role to both sexes, the numbers imbalance on the dance floor is instantly resolved. But even more importantly, both men and women are given the opportunity to learn the relational dynamics ensconced within the divergent roles.

There is something quite magical about dancing with others in synchronized movement. Whether it’s purely for enjoyment, for fitness, or as part of a ceremony, dancing with a group will most likely leave you with an ear-to-ear grin or feeling deeply stirred and part of something sacred. It blurs the lines between the perception of “self” and “other” and leads to a bond between participants.

“There are four foundational needs of our psyche: to be seen, to be listened to, to connect and to belong.” Reginald A. Ray, PhD, cofounder and spiritual director of Dharma Ocean Foundation.

Dance generally and Tango specifically is a conversation: an opportunity to be listened to, to be attended to, to be held, to feel supported. We are massaged inside and out through the engagement with partner and music. 

There are four foundational needs of our psyche: to be seen, to be listened to, to connect and to belong.

I cannot think of any social activity that offers a better possibility of addressing all four of these needs than the Tango.

Tango is not the answer!

It does, however, raise a whole set of fascinating, soul-searching questions. The questions we ask of the tango will determine what we get from the dance (excepting of course, all those delicious and unsettling surprises).  Questions keep us persevering when it would be far saner to stay on the couch and nurse one’s fragile ego. 

Society needs a new model of maleness.

This is the clarion call. Man equals hunter-gatherer equals warrior equals combatant equals equals consumer no longer sustains relationships or life on this planet.

Time to change. Trade in those skates and cleats for dance shoes.